you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
