i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...