She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel