I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me