My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Every concussion has its silver lining
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
