yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
