When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
