I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize