Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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