Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
