All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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