im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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