You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
