I'm drive I can fine osifer
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
