That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
