would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
