Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
