Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
