There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
