Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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