My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
