I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
