This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
