I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
