Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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