so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
