Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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