oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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