i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
