That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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