Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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