I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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