So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
