so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
