At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just pee around me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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