If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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