My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You are a booty call, not a friend.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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