i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
