question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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