We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
