i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
