Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
