I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
