don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize