how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
