im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
