sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
