you mean i was at the winter classic?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
