Barsexuality is the new black.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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