i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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