I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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