Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
