I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
