I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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