thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
