please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
vagina is talking i cant
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
