so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
