I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
