You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
