i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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