margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
