Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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