Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
