sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hippo gnu deer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
