I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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